The Saga of the Car
Two nights ago, after we got home from a doctor appt in the nearest real city, 2 hours away, I came in to the town I work in to work a couple of hours at my other job. I took a break, drove over to my full time job to get my paycheck and as I was heading back to job #2 I noticed that my interior car lights were getting dimmer and dimmer. I thought "I hope it's not my alternator, let it be the battery." I got to work. Shut off the car, tried to start it again...nothing. So I go in the building, do some more work, come out again and try it and it starts. Figure it must have built up a little charge. Good news for the "just the battery" theory. So I finish my work and ask one of the guys if I could call him for a jumpstart later if the car died, he said he'd be up until 3am(at the time it was only 11pm). I left for Walmart to do some shopping. As I went from work to the store the lights dimmed rapidly. Fortunately, Walmart is only about a mile from that job so I didn't have far to go. I made it into the parking lot and it died. I went in to the store, got the stuff I had been instructed to get, and realized that I didn't know what kind of battery to get, even though I couldn`t afford to get one at all. I was already in line with my stuff so I paid for it and went out to the car, figuring I`d just take out the old battery and bring it in and compare-TRIP #1.

I had a vise grip pliers and some other kind of very long handled pliers that I used on fixing a sink once, I don't know what it's called. I'm not much on tools and their names. Regardless, neither one of these fine tools was taking the bolts off the stupid restraining bar that goes over the top of the wiper fluid tank and the battery. Sooo, back in to the store-TRIP #2

I can't tell metric from whatever and I didn't want to buy a socket set and wrench that wouldn't work. I found this "gator" wrench that has stuff in the socket that will fit over all different kinds of nuts and bolts and it was the same price as the socket set so I got it. Back to the car. Got the bar off. Got the terminals off the battery. Now for some reason, even though the thing has a bar over it and it's wedged in there so that short of the car being picked up by a giant, turned over and shaken violently for several minutes, it's not coming out, but it still has the stupid little restraining clip down on the bottom (I did not put this battery in, it was there when I got the car). My newfangled wrench will not reach it and be free to turn more than a few inches, and I have to shove my hands into the little corners of the car just to be able to move the wrench a tiny bit between two fingers. That wasn't working. Back into the store-TRIP #3

Bought extensions for the wrench. Got the thing off. Battery still wasn't coming out. I had to disconnect the wiper fluid tank and get it out of the way so I could turn the battery and finally take it out sideways. Back into the store-TRIP #4

New battery. Put it in, hooked up the terminals...nothing. It's been a while so I figure I hooked it up wrong. I look through the manual and it's no help. I go to the battery, disconnect the terminals it took ten minutes to hook up, squeezing my fingers and a pliers because the wrench won't fit, hook up the positive terminal first, and then the negative and I see the dome light come on. Success! I finally get home...at 3:30am. I had spent about 2.5 hours going in and out of Walmart spending money I don't have and screwing up my back and hands with this battery. My wife had woke up at 2am, expecting me to be home about 1, and was worried sick, she had no way to reach me, no calling card to call Walmart and see if I was there, etc.


LAST NIGHT

It had been bothering me that the battery meter didn't seem to be getting as high as I thought it would after being replaced. I got around all day just fine though so I just decided to keep an eye on it. Sure enough, as I was heading home at about 10:30pm, things began to dim...and the thunderstorm started rolling in.

I made it about 8 miles out of town before I could barely see my headlights and had to pull over. Hmm, the alternator perhaps? So there I sat in the dark, the waxing gibbous moon providing some wonderful light on the thunderhead in the distance, flashing with beautiful lightning. It was really gorgeous. I waited 15 minutes to see if the car would charge enough. It only charged enough for the interior light to turn on and the emergency flashers, but only for a few minutes before starting to die.
Up went the hood, out came the flashlight, and it was waving time. I was surprised at how many cars passed me by. I'm not some big threatening psycho-looking guy, and I though the heartland of America was supposed to be filled with the only people left who would help a stranger in need! Standing in the rain by the roadside, waving his flashlight, obviously in distress!

It took a really long time, close to an hour I think, for someone to finally pull over to help. He had just gotten off work and was heading home. His name was Ralph and he was very nice and hooked up the cables and we chatted for about 6 minutes in the wind and light rain while the battery charged. When I looked at the volt meter it was about as high as it had been when I left work so I figured if I got that far on that much I should make it home. I thanked him kindly and he went his way and I went mine.

Joyously bounding down the road, I kept the air conditioner off and the interior lights as low as possible and never turned on my brights but still, things started to dim. Feeling defeated, I begged the car to just "make it five miles, that's all!" but I knew that she wouldn't make it. As the lights went dim, I slid over to the shoulder...again. The time was about 12:30am.

I had stopped in front of a farmhouse I knew. I didn't know the owner well but I knew his name and he knew mine. That's about as far as our familiarity went. Enough to nod and say hello but not stop and talk. The trouble was, this was a farmer, early to bed and all that. There were no lights on in the house when I walked around to take a look. There's a line of trees between him and the road so you have to walk down the driveway past those before you can see the house. I knew he was asleep, but it was getting late and there wasn't as much traffic on this part of the road so I had to think about knocking on his door. First though, I tried to flag down the two cars that went by, no response. After ten or twenty minutes and no traffic in either direction I decided to go to the farmer's door. As I walked up to his door and started reaching for the doorbell I heard a small dog start barking wildly "Crap", I said. I still went for it though; I reached for the doorbell and pressed. There was no sound. This thing was busted. At that moment I heard a loud low bark come from behind me, I jumped, my heart skipping a few beats, and turned to look. I didn't see anything. The dog barked again. It was in a machine shed about 100 yards behind me. I started to back away from the door, the big bark came again, and then it started a half bark, half howl as I quickened my pace. I still couldn't see the dog but I had the feeling it wasn't restrained, farm dogs never are. I kept trotting backwards so I could see if any lights were turning on in the house. The barks seemed to be moving now, but I still couldn't see the dog. I passed the tree line as I walked onto the highway so I could no longer see the house, but the dog was still barking and I had no idea where it was but the bark was getting louder. I was about ten yards from the car when a bark rang out that sounded like it could have been right behind me, that got my running in a sprint to the car. I got in and closed the door, breathing heavy, relieved and frustrated at the same time.

I rolled my window down and shone my flashlight out onto the trees between the house and me, sweeping the ground to see if the dog (still bark-howling) would appear, and then the tops of the trees hoping that the farmer would look out and see the beam and come out. The barks slowed and there was no sound of movement, doors opening, shouts of "Who's there", etc. The image of the farmer coming out with a shotgun flashed in my mind, but there was nothing. I waited for a car. One appeared and I waited until it was about a half mile away before turning on my hazard flashers, waving the flashlight around. The car stopped and immediately two young men came out from the back seats, moving quickly. For a second I thought they might jump me, wouldn't that be perfect, I thought. I started telling them that I needed a jump and could they help me. They went back to the car. There were two young women in the front, and after the boys told her what help I needed I heard her say that her battery light just turned on and they couldn't help with a jump. I sighed. For crying out loud. I asked if they had a phone I could use. They did of course, everyone around here under the age of 65 and not named Wakefield has a frickin cell phone. So I called my wife, who was upset of course, told her the car had died again and that the first jump didn't last and I was stuck again and where I was. I asked her to get a phone book and give me the number for the farmer whose house I was in front of. At this point it began to rain. The two young men were still standing outside the car and making noises that they needed to get out of the rain and get going. I tried to hurry my wife along but she had been outside with the phone, waiting for me to come home. Finally she got the number and I wrote it down, after I had told the boys that if they wanted to get back in their car I would run out and give them the phone, it would only be a minute. I got off the phone with my wife and called the farmer. He answered, I gave him my name and told him that I was outside his house and I needed a jump and could he help me, that I borrowed a phone from some kids that I had flagged down but who couldn't help me because their battery light had just turned on. "Oh my god" was his response, sounding like I was his teenage son calling to tell him I was in jail. "And where are the kids, are they out front too?" he asked. I said yes but they have to go and couldn't help me. He kind of said "Yaah" in a disbelieving tone and hung up on me. I got out and ran the phone to the kids. I didn't know if the farmer thought it was a prank and if he'd come out or not so I asked the kids if they could keep an eye out for me on their way back from town and if they would call the police for me. They said okay and took off. Here I was again, now having told my wife that I would get ahold of the farmer and be home soon but in reality had no idea if that was going to happen. I rested my head on the steering wheel and then the headlights came shining through the driveway from the farmer's house. He pulled up next to me and I told him I needed a jump so he pulled his truck up in front of my car. He got out and I told him the story of the first jump not lasting and I just needed to let the cables sit a while so I could get more of a charge. I think he thought I was drunk. I noticed that I was trying to not act like a drunk trying to act sober but this made my actually sober behavior seem forced, making me look more like a drunk trying to act sober. Anyway, he hooked the cables up and told me to see if it would start. I said sure it would start, it started the last time right away but the cables need to sit there longer. He didn't want to hear it. I started the car and he immediately took off the cables. I told him "I guess I'll see how far that will get me", trying to look pathetic but still not drunk, which was tough, I'm pretty sure that came off drunk too. He asked me if I wanted him to follow me. I said, "If you could". He said fine. He backed away from my car and I put the car in gear and it immediately died. Just then the car that had been coming down the road slowed and came to a stop. I saw the lights on top of the car. The authorities had arrived.

I told the cop the story and he said he couldn't give me a jump because of all the equipment in his car but he could call a tow for me or give me a ride into town. I opted for the ride. As I was getting my stuff out of the car the cop was chatting with the farmer like it was just another day, friendly, talking about the weather, regular friendly chatter. Nothing like what I got from the farmer. I thought that the farmer would tell the cop that he thought I was drunk. In fact I hoped he would so I could take all the tests and show him that I could do cartwheels on the white line I was so damn sober. The cop didn't ask though, so he must not have mentioned it.

I got to ride in the back of a police car for the first time (there was a bunch of stuff in the front) and we chatted amiably on the ride in. I finally made it home about 3am.

Now I'm using a borrowed car until I can get an alternator for my car ordered, since none of the parts stores around have one in stock for my car.

It's going to be a big week for the Wakefield household.

Take Care

-Wakefield